She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
