Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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