3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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