Umm I'm too high to move.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
