I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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