I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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