I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
