Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
