I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
