i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
