it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
