Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize