I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
