and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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