You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
