He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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