i wish there were pregnant emoticons
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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