If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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