i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize