I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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