Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
