He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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