Having a random hookup so left but love u
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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