Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize