Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
