dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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