Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
