I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
