I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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