i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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