y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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