Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
