Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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