its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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