Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
