And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
