You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
