R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
