Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize