I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I love you. Go after that dick
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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