I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
