remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
