Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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