True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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