he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
