If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
