wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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