Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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