nut hugger
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
