it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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