i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will pee on everything he values.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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