Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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