please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
