so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
