recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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