everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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