What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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