hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
