I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
