Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
