she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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