do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So many bounce houses so little time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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