k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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