you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
