I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
