Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
