so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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