There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
