Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
