Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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