Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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