Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
