Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
