this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
