I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
