I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize