You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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