Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
