census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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