I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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