Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
