this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
