all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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